I am sick. I have a science project due on Monday. I have a lot to do. I choose to do them. I have soft instrumental music playing. We will be moving.
I've just ran into a big obstacle in my science project. I am still thinking of how I should convey my results. I have an idea, but I 'm not sure its going to work. I only have one day left.
I was not able to write a blog yesterday, because I was quite sick and went to bed as soon as I got eveyrthing done. Then I woke up, and did some work, but only on the science project, because it is much more pressing and important than this.
The main reason I'm doing is because I'm sick and tired of the science project and I need a break. Luckily, the "aum" meditation that Ms. Chaqui taught us is actually helpful. I need food. I need rest. I want to get the science project done. There was another religion project problem today. Well, actually yesterday. The Buddhist temple called and also send a email that they can't do an interview because its Chinese New Year's and their busy. And also because I'm sick I'm not allowed to go to the temple apparently because its very windy and I would be even more sick. And my partner for the project has things to do of his own. I chose to miss Chinese school today because I did not feel that I was in a great condition to learn.
Ah. A very nice day. I was a bit sentimental about our living space today. We have a really big floor-to-ceiling window, and on most beautiful afternoons, the sun light flowing through the window is just spectacular. Especially when we have such a great view of the park and a majestic flowing tree right next to us. However, my brother reminded me of all the things we had to pay for it. All the cold days, all the wiping, and all the drafts, all of that. But still. When I saw that sunlight flowing through today, I felt that it was worth it. Sigh. We won't have any of that when we move. Then again, if I was not to be sentimental, I guess we should move. But still. In that moment, I really regret it. I have these kinds of feelings everytime we move. I remember when we still lived at 3985. It was a majestic three-stories high large house. It was very big, and there was also quite a lot of natural sunlight flowing into one area. Although the surrounding environment wasn't exactly as beautiful as it is now, it was much more luxurioius than what we have now. And then I remember when we lived at 7342. It was much smaller, but we had a really really really friendly neighbour. I was very young back then. A lot of people were living there, about 14 or 15 people regularly living in a five or six bedroom house. It was fun. Especially when you're the youngest in your extended family, with a lot of your cousins and aunts and uncles and your own family around. It's different today though. Not necessarily worse, you could say I grew out of it. But a person never grows out of happiness. Throughout all these years, I've seen many trends. And also seen them broken. They haven't taught me much, but maybe that's because I haven't studied them long enough. I remember I had many insights in how children operate that adults could never fathom. Sadly, I've never developed a penchant for writing, so now I've forgotten it all. Adults could and maybe will never be able to understand exactly what and how children think. Some children, when asked, can give really good insights. They're smarter in many ways than you think. And, most of all, they have that innocent happiness about them. At least for some of them.
I'm thinking about the science project now. I believe it would be best to take a break. And think. But, there's something nagging inside me, telling I should quit writing this blog and just work on the project. I ignore it.
Knitting apparently is supposed to be relaxing. Is it? I find it not so. I find it slightly stressful, and keeps you in the state you are in. It is something for the hands to do, but when you've discovered a mistake, you don't exactly feel happy. Yoga and meditation is supposed to help, but when is it that I can really find time to stop and do it? Quick, on the spot meditation helps a bit.
In my science project, it is very flawed. I have a lot of work todo. I need to be a bit more creative, I think. I have not exactly been an autonomous learner. Maybe better than some, maybe worse than some, but I don't care. I made many mistakes. I don't care. I'll learn, but I don't care. I am not apathetic, but I choose not to care, because I do not want to care. I do not see the point in caring.
As you can read, I am feeling a bit queer today. I dont' know what it is, although I have some guesses. But I won't say it. I don't see the point in doing so. This blog is mostly meant for me to express myself. Of course, its also for homework.
I feel like getting on to the next plane to either a luxurious holiday resort or to London. I guess I just want a small break, but something inside me tells me that I can't take a small break feeling relaxed until I get everything done. Well, luckily, spring break is coming up. Maybe if I do everything today, I can relax tomorrow. But that is wishful thinking, it is not realistic. It never is. When are homework goals realistic? They never are. But why? I know. Well, since you know, how can you get it done? I don't know. It's just like knowing what a problem is, but not what the solution is. Do I need more breaks? They never seem to help. Do I need more communication with others? I don't feel isolated, I feel like a part of society. Do I need to develope studying skills? Yes, I need to. But can I implement them? No. Something needs to be done, but I don't know what it is. Ah well. I've had lots of problems before. Seems that I got over them one way or another. By the way, is this project really that important? Oh, and the printer is not working. That's interesting. And, well, I dont' know, I just feel like I need something. But I know I don't need it. And then I start to feel that I don't need it. And then I move on. Whatever. I'm not making sense whatsoever. Even I don't understand it.
I don't know whether to stop this blog or not. It's not that long, when you compare it to some people, but I don't know. I've been typing for some time, but I still don't think that I've said enough. But what is enough? It's just a feeling, right? I feel sentimental. Don't care if its derogatory or not. Sort of ties into the personality tests I'm taking care of. I don't know, maybe I should just sleep. I hope this blog counts for two blogs, since I missed it yesterday. Oh well. This ist the start of the second blog.
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Hello. This is the second blog. I feel suprisingly relaxed right now. Well, not exactly that relaxed, I'm still somewhat stresesed. I don't know whether i'll be able to finish this project or not. I guess not. Well, maybe yes. I guess I'm starting to lose a bit of my steam. This blog has served its purpose. But I still have another bowl of congee to go through. Hmm....
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